So, so, so...

Let me start by saying I'm really tired.

That's good.

Anyway.

My daily goal for now is 1k words. Today I wrote about 800. I'll make up for it tomorrow.

I'll get better at it.

Baby steps.

What else do I have to say?

Let's hit some other random thoughts worth jotting down.

- Starting a new life some place far away would suuuuuuuuck. That much I'm certain. How much lonelier does that feel? Damn.

I realize this happens to billions of people every year, but really, starting over some place far away is not what you see at the movies.

I have a new found respect for the people I know that have done it.

- Today I had an epiphany. A really sad one. I have this idea that most of my friends and family are really successful because they know what they want to do, and they're good at it... That I feel an inferiority complex to them because I'm so different from them...

Today I realized I actually feel sorry for them, I really do.

Ok, I have to tread this carefully, I love these people... but bear with me: they don't have any dreams anymore. They just follow whatever the world points them to. That's why they go nuts over the idea when I tell them maybe an University degree isn't suited for me.

I thought it was good to have these successful people around me, that it would spur me to be like them... but I understand now why I rejected time and time again this path, it's not what I want. Not in my job, not in my relationships, not in my life.

I hope at least some of them still have some dreams laying dormant, and one day they'll open their eyes to them.

Even failed dreams trump pointless careerism every time.

- I'm still really fricking undecided over leaving my parents home. I'll leave that topic for some other time. I'm sure it'll pop up again.

- Today I also realized how important it is for me to tie the loose ends in my life out of love and never out of any other feeling. There are all these feelings and impulses I have to control, and it's really hard.

And always out of truth. The impulse to coldly oversimplify or lie to end a conversation fast is also strong in my personality.

It's hard though.

Being good seems to be.

At least I'm not alone in this.

Have a good night.

I know I will.

God Bless