Relationships

Relationships eh?

Crazy stuff.

I think, like everyone else, I look for safety in relationships. I know it's impossible, life's too unpredictable for safety in little things, let alone something as complicated as a relationship. I don't know how, where, with whom I'll be in 3 months time.

But I try.

When relationships change, because feelings change, or simply because, hell, life changes, my habit is to cut and run. There are very few occasions I didn't do that. Part of it is being a wuss, part of it is being a proud guy who doesn't like to admit he needs anyone, and to be completely honest, part of it is waiting to see how important I am to those people. Because if I am important, someone will say something, we'll figure out how to keep our relationship even in these new, different circumstances. If not, I realize once again there's no safety in relationships.

A lot of my relationships are changing, a serious lot of people leaving, some people I wish they'd leave, some people I don't know how they're going to stay, or for how long. I admit its quite depressing.

One of the friends leaving offered me an opportunity for a fresh start a quadrillion miles from Portugal, I got choked up and he continued: "What do you have keeping you here?". That still rings in my head.

Like many decisions I made in my life, I think to myself, what would I regret the most? Saying or not saying? Trying or not trying? Doing or not doing?

Usually, "saying", "trying" and "doing" win. And so far I don't have any "what if's" in my life. My problem with this new fresh start far away from here is that I didn't even tried here yet. Sure, my life is changing a lot, all of the sudden, sure I don't have anything substantial to show yet, but I still have great things here to build on. Even with all the changes. 

Even if they seem small at this moment.

This new fresh start seems appealing and exciting, but I think I'd regret more if I didn't give an actual try to what I have here.

Besides, I know I can adapt to these new changes. Heck, I can probably use them to make some personal progress myself.

I know if I stay I'll make new friends, I'll try and experience new things, I'll fall in love with another girl.

All of the above seem pretty exciting and one alone would be enough for me to stay, all three guarantee I won't regret staying.

Although... Honestly? I'm sticking with the "I don't know anything, anymore". If God gave me a reasonably good sign to get myself on a plane to Texas, I wouldn't even say my goodbyes.