To be bold

In my family, we don't have that tradition.

Everyone just aims to be comfortable.

Comfort is good, of course, it's comfy, but if you never leave your comfort zone, you lose on so much... I know this for a fact.

Some of the best things in my life started when I challenged my family's mentality of being comfortable: Scouts, American Football, Road Trips, Dropping out of Law School, Not Accepting Bullshit Relationships.

I want to be BOLDER, to do mistakes of greater boldness, but I feel sucked into this "No, don't aim higher, be here, be comfortable, this is not bad" place. I don't want "not bad", I want fucking GOOD, GREAT. Mediocrity is just not for me. It fucking eats my insides just thinking about it.

I see myself thinking, okay, I'll play a good boy for now, but when I reach this age or that age, or when I leave my parents home, or when I have a decent amount of money...

It feels like I keep delaying it, and I fear somewhere along the way I'll just forget about it and become like these people...

Okay, okay, I have an ego big enough to know that'll never happen, but, I KNOW I'm missing out on mistakes I should be making. It feels this road I'm taking is just a slow, boring road to nowhere. Ten years from now, I'll be thinking, "wow, look at all that time I wasted playing a good boy, doing what I was 'supposed to do'"...

Maybe that's needed, that's important, to make small mistakes, slowly, taking my time and learning along the way... But I feel I can make really bold stuff, and if it fails and I fall on my face, it'll take only a couple of days to get back on my feet and try again.

Anyway, it's just a rant. Note to self: I do need to surround myself with people with this sort of mentality more, and also try to spread it to my group of friends as well.

After re-reading all I just wrote I can safely conclude I still have a gigantic ego. My humble week only worsened it.