Regarding heroes...

This may turn out to be a long post... And I'm not going to go back and try to simplify anything, so I'll probably ramble and lose the chain of thought quite a while. Be patient, or just ignore this post altogether...

This is why I've been talking about and looking through some footage of my "heroes"...

I... Took a big hit after the Anthony Weiner scandal broke out last week. I know it's ridiculous, I'm just a fan of his US Senate interventions. Example1. Example2. Pretty cool, right? It gives me chills to watch politicians like him and Bernie Sanders actually fighting passionately in the Senate for the American People.

Anyway, last week in Mr. Weiner's Twitter account, a very strange picture was posted, and he started to lie about the whole thing. Come on... "I don't know if it's me in the picture, but I didn't post it!" You don't know if it's you...? Seriously...? Well, he went on with these stupid lies for a week until Monday he finally called a press conference and came out with the truth. Here if you wanna see it. I'll give you the short version: "Yes, I've been in inappropriate contact with some women for several months, even after I married with my beautiful wife, that I've hurt, it was so wrong, and I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry".

Fuck you.

You're sorry you were caught. Don't insult our intelligence. You'd still be happily doing it now if you hadn't been caught... You knew it was wrong before, and you kept doing it.

...

I said I would ramble...

I don't think he's a bad person because he cheated on his wife. I don't think good people always do the right thing, just as I don't think bad people only do bad things. I won't judge him, I have no idea what the life of a politician is like.

But I'm disappointed. I feel sad. If you truly believe in ideals and in a moral compass that guides you through your life, that even through the most adverse environment, you will fight and stand up for what is right, you can't do things like that, you can't be a dishonest person in your private life... You just can't...

There will always be temptation: sex, money, conformism, the easy-way-out. You have to fight it almost every day, it's not easy.

It's fucking hard. I know that.

Fuck. I know very little about life, but I do know that.

I know how hard it is to fight every day to have the body I want to have, the informed decisions I want to make, the right things to say to people I care about, to become the writer I want to become... To be a better and better human being every day. And sometimes I take a step back. Sometimes I fail in little things. Sometimes I say the wrong things. Sometimes I judge people before putting myself in their position.

Fuck...! It's hard...! And nobody's perfect, but there's a line. Even if I can't say where exactly that line is, cheating on your girlfriend, and then your wife, for months and months, is way beyond that line. How do you come back from that when you stopped not because you realized it was wrong, but because you were caught?

Look, I'm a freak. I know that. Not a three-legged circus kind of freak, but, a freak nonetheless. I expect way too much of myself, of the people I surround myself with, and apparently from people I don't even know too much about...

I... take refuge in fucking imaginary worlds I create, where the heroes may not always win, but they are strong enough to always stand for what they believe in.

I... test myself in interesting, other times, just plain ridiculous ways, every day.

I... play American Football because I think taking a beating once in a while is actually necessary to put things in perspective.

I get chocked up if my niece gives me a hug, if someone says my opinion on something is really honest and/or pure, if people I like say they miss me, stuff like that.

I'm not weak, in any stretch of the imagination, I'll proudly talk about any of it. I think being a freak gives you that bulk, that strength, you know? That's the good part. Even if something brings you down, you grieve, you reflect about it, you get up, and you move on.

It gives me the freedom to be who I want to be, how I want to be, every day.

But I admit, I do need to see a light at the end of the tunnel, even if I was the one who painted it. I need reminders once in a while, that even if I don't know anything about life yet, other people went through life and made it, they were tested in ways I have no idea and they passed every time. They had integrity from start to finish. That it's not impossible...

Shit... This was not where I planned to go with this post...

Lemme take a breather and try to post a conclusion to all this.